Summary: Our subconscious mindset filters evolved to protect us, but in today’s world, they often trigger unnecessary stress and fear. This post explores how to recognize these automatic reactions, understand why they form, and use self-awareness to replace reactive habits with mindful responses that align with your true well-being.

A recent conversation, having taken an unfortunate turn, left me in a place of dismay and confusion. It started with me approaching a colleague to talk about a procedure that we had recently set up. Being a new process, my intention was to review the steps with her and check in to see if she had any questions or concerns. This act was interpreted by her as an attack. She expressed that she felt ambushed by me. My shock at her version of my objective quickly turned to defense and I fired back with a few poorly chosen phrases that only fueled the dysfunctional flow of our dialogue.

Later that evening, I reflected on what occurred. I wondered how two people could end up with vastly different interpretations of words and actions.

In short, why did my colleague interpret my benign invitation to review the procedure so negatively? Reflecting on her word choices from a place of curiosity rather than defense, I am able to detect the notes of anxiety and worry behind them. Unbeknownst to me, she was reeling from a recent negative performance review by her supervisor. Feeling the pressure and fear that springs from the potential loss of livelihood, she brought this fearful mindset into our conversation, which filtered and interpreted all of my words as criticism that she needed to defend against.

In this instance, I was on the receiving end, but, of course, I have been on the other side of many conversations where my mindset filter interpreted words as attacks and steered the dialog in a direction far away from the intention with which it was started.

Understanding Mindset Filters and Their Biases
In simple terms, mindset filters are mental constructions built to recognize and categorize stimuli. The constructions are a quick and efficient way for your brain to sort external stimuli into general categories of life-threatening and non-life-threatening. This sets in motion appropriate responses before your conscious mind is even aware of it.

Although these constructions can be positive, the ones most closely tied to your survival tend to be negative.

This is because your brain fixates on situations and circumstances that it deems as life-threatening. Having automatic responses to danger has been essential to our survival, but in the context of modern society, the vast majority of our responses are to perceived life-threatening situations, rather than actual ones.  

In the example of my co-worker, the negative performance review was not actually life-threatening, but it triggered a red flag, causing her brain to be on high alert for danger, filtering my words as threats and reacting before her rational mind has a chance to respond.

Recognize Common Areas Where Mindset Filters Operate

Social Groups
Being a part of a social group meant physical safety to our ancestors and ostracization from this group was viewed as life-threatening. Although this is not the case in modern social groups, you will not literally die if you commit a social gaffe, the feeling of not fitting in can still be enough to trigger your brain into high alert, causing it to filter and react as though danger were present.  

Interpersonal Relationships
The same is true for love-centered relationships such as a romantic partner. Inherent in the dynamic of intimate friendships and partnerships is the commitment to care for each other, ensuring food and shelter in times of illness or injury. Knowing that someone is present for you provides an immense amount of comfort, and when that person exits your life, an established filter may view the situation as life-threatening.

Workplace Dynamics
As illustrated through the example of my co-worker, the potential loss of a job, though not truly life-threatening, can still trigger a feeling of impending danger, causing you to overreact to constructive feedback or question your abilities.

While the formation of protective mindset filters is a normal subconscious brain function, having them run amok, undeterred or balanced by your rational mind, sets you up for distorted perceptions and feelings of fear, agitation, and disillusionment. Focusing on negativity also results in not seeing positives.

It is possible, for example, that my co-worker had a 90% positive review and was focusing on the 10% area of improvement. Fixating on her mistakes prevented her seeing what she was doing right.

Although the formation of negative filters is an evolutionary ingrained response meant to keep you alive, you can learn to reframe them by bringing them to your conscious mind through self-awareness.

Self-Awareness Defined
Self-awareness is being conscious of your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and motivations. It puts your responsive, rational mind at the forefront, leaving your subconscious, reactive mind to handle truly urgent or life-threatening situations.

For clarity, by conscious mind I mean the responsive, rational part of your brain and by subconscious mind I mean the reactive, automatic part.

Developing self-awareness is an ongoing practice that involves:

• Paying attention to your thoughts
• Noticing the feelings they trigger
• Reflecting on your impulses and what direction your actions take

Self-Awareness Practices

Create Space Between Stimulus and Action
A simple pause between a triggering event and the action you take as a result of it is often enough time to allow your rational mind to kick in and assess the situation. In this space between cause and effect, you will, with practice, begin to direct your conscious mind to choose responses that are thought through and appropriate. In addition to pausing, your self-talk also offers valuable insight.

Listen to Your Self-Talk
A great way to gain insight into your mindset is to listen to the way you speak to yourself. Notice situations where the tone is critical or fearful. Listen to the words you are using. Are they encouraging and caring, or defeating and unkind? Hearing the way you speak to yourself and what you say is essential to shifting it, allowing you more options for balanced responses.

After you become aware of the tone and language of your self-talk, the next step is to understand why they formed.

Get Curious About Your Reactions
Deeply ingrained reaction habits will take more than a simple pause to root out and shift. If you notice that you repeatedly respond to a person, group of people, situation, or circumstance in an overly negative, fearful, or angry way, time spent reflecting on these scenarios is highly beneficial.

Ask yourself in a curious manner:

• What are my thoughts related to this interaction or occurrence?
• What emotions come up most strongly for me in these moments?
• What am I protecting myself from?  
• Is my response about what is happening now, or something in the past?
• Why might I have learned this reaction?
• Is there a story that I am telling myself about this person or situation?

Curiosity sheds light on why you react the way you do and gives you an opportunity to reframe your thoughts. To allow you the opportunity to respond from this place of greater clarity, mindfulness is essential.

Practice Being Mindfully Present
Habitual reactions come into play when you are not fully in the moment. You can train yourself to remain grounded and responsive by utilizing the following techniques:

• Focusing on your breathing – consciously paying attention to the air entering and leaving your lungs causes your body to relax and your mind to stay present.
• Focusing on your body sensations – take inventory of how your body is feeling. Notice where it is feeling tension and deliberately release it.
• Focusing on your environment – another great way to pull yourself into the present, is to focus on your environment. The running of your subconscious mind and its preference to be on autopilot is easily disrupted by you simply looking around you, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells.

Acknowledging your reactive habits, recognizing the reasons why they formed, and compassionately questioning the validity of the thoughts that solidified them will help you cultivate greater self-awareness. Armed with this, you can navigate your life from a place of greater self-control and respond in ways that are truly in line with your well-being.

Ready to shift your mindset and take control of your reactions? Book a free, no obligation discovery coaching call today and learn how Mindset Coaching can help you. Schedule your session here.